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deficiency    ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (d-fshn-s)
n. pl. deficiencies

1. The quality or condition of being deficient; incompleteness or inadequacy.
2. A lack or shortage, especially of something essential to health; an insufficiency: a nutritional deficiency.

For today’s musing, I have a treat for you, my constant readers.  I want to share with you a story from my fabled past.  It’s not something secret, no, just something that remains undiscussed, much like the genetically deformed and oft homicidal child you keep locked in the basement.  Oh yes…I know.

When I moved to Atlanta back in 2000, I was able to survive for a shockingly long period of time without a job.  Looking back, I’m not entirely sure how I managed it.  I like to think magic, but I would imagine it was mostly good planning on my part.  Eventually I broke down though and required a better source of income besides trying to pull it out of the air.  It was a sheerly comical, yet cruel and meanspirited twist of fate that I got a job at The Gap.  As soon as you have finished laughing, you may continue with the blog.

I lasted all of three months before something better came along.  In my time there, I learned a few things.  One, straight men do not work at the Gap.  Granted, that left me with no competition, however number two is that girls over 18 do not work at the Gap.  And that probably has a lot to do with why number one is true.  Three, male (and consequently gay) managers at the Gap have a fearful, almost contradictingly Naziesque approach to that place.  A paradox that in and of itself is almost strong enough to destroy the universe.  It’s creepy.  When your idea of a good time entails bossing kids around a store for a redress at 2AM, you might consider decaf and changing political affiliations.  I’m not saying Gap managers were Nazis, just that they could be known to be as Nazis sometimes were.  Four, one does not have to work hard to be appear valuable.  In three months I was able to secure a promotion and a dollar an hour raise.  However…come to think of it I think the woman manager that was giving me the raise might have been a porn star on the side…no, really.  Five, female (and apparently straight) managers live in the most amazing and reality disproving bubble I have ever seen.  I think one woman really believed that everyone in the world shopped at the Gap, and I am not the least bit kidding.  She practically deserved to be committed for such an utter lack of grip on reality.

With all that said, the biggest thing that I can say is that my fashion sense is some what…underdeveloped.  How the hell I lasted three months there really is beyond me.  The whole point in relating this story is that I went out shopping last night.  See, I still wear clothes I bought after getting back from Atlanta.  It’s not an activity that thrills me, but my closet is really needing some updating now.  But my sheer inability to comprehend the combining of clothing articles is almost comical in nature.  I’m trying to grow past the novelty T phase of my life, and into something more…grown up?  I dunno.  I will always love my binary 4 hand gesture shirt (00100, think about it).  But I can’t wear stuff like that to work now.  Anyway, watching me muddle through racks of far too big clothing like a blind man is certainly not my idea of a good time.

I did manage to get a pair of shorts I like, but the shirt I got to go with it was too small.  So I’m gonna exchange that tonight.  One thing the Gap never had though was this:  $79 wrinkled white shirts.  I don’t think I can ever buy clothing in The Buckle after seeing that.  Who the hell buys that?  I can buy a $10 shirt and wrinkle it myself just the same, and you know what?  It’ll look like crap the same too.  I think something in my brain popped and broke when I saw that.

So, anyone wanna help me out?