SuperSatellite ||

Okay, I need to put an important preface here.  Prior to today, I was very enthusiastic about I Am Legend.  Firstshowing.net discussed it the other day, and I made it a point to defend it there, even having not seen it.  I find it very important to understand that movies can be (loosely) based on books, or adapted directly from them.  I, Robot is a great example.  While it wasn’t like the book, it was a good movie that had been based on it.  Blade Runner, and The Shawshank Redemption are others.  The Green Mile is a fantastic adaptation, on the other hand, being very nearly exactly like the book.  So I knew not to expect the book here, since it was clearly only based on it.  I knew it was only respinning the story, and I felt it was a good story that would modernize and expand well.

And god am I pissed.

I actually cannot remember the last time a movie pissed me off this badly.  I’m pretty sure it was because I was so ready to give it the benefit of the doubt, and so ready to enjoy it even as different as it might be.  I feel horribly betrayed.  This movie was likened to Cast Away, in how it was all on Will Smith’s shoulders.  I hated Cast Away, too, but for totally other reasons.  And the crazy part is, I was totally fine until the last fifteen minutes.  Then things started feeling wrong, like when you see a beautiful woman from behind, and they turn around, and it’s a transvestite with arm hair and a lopsided boob.

Warning: minor expository spoilers ahead.

You know, Will Smith did great in the movie.  I enjoyed his performance.  And I completely understood and could handle a lot of their choices.  Making him an Army virologist from the start instead of an alcoholic, suicidal plant worker for instance was a big time saver, because there’s a lot in the book that is about him just getting books and learning all the medical stuff himself.  No big deal, we didn’t have to listen to his complaining that way.  The way his wife and kid died changed some of the character’s motivational points, but again, it fit with the new story.  The dog being with him from the start, that’s fine.  Every bit of this is all well and good.  The “vampires” being more like ravenous animals with crazy CGI gaping mouths…well, that’s starting to push it.  In fact, I’m not sure why they felt the need to steep the vampires in CGI the way they did.

And then there’s the ending.  My god…the ending…Raise your hand if you read the book.  Okay, so you know how the title refers to him, and why.  The whole point behind the “I am legend” concept is that he really IS the last man on earth; that everything he is doing is what turns him into this huge bedtime monster, a legend that will be told for centuries afterward.  That’s the fricking crux of the whole story.  Let’s just say, that’s not how it goes down.  When you base a movie on a book, one thing you generally want to keep is the plot device that wraps it all up in a neat bow.  Otherwise all you really have is a movie that shares a title and a character name or two with the book.

The whole thing reminds me of Dreamcatcher.  But at least that film didn’t make me so mad.  But in the same way, you got to the ending and just feel like you need to punch someone, maybe a baby or a kitten, though the writers and producers would do, because apparently they read a version of the book that came from Bizarro Earth that didn’t end even remotely like the book.

The best part of this film was that there was a Dark Knight trailer at the beginning, and it was filling enough all on its own.

In the end, I can’t even tell you if it would be good if I hadn’t read the book.  I can’t see through the blind rage enough to try and take the bias away, and that’s saying something.