SuperSatellite ||

Before I get to actually talking about the trip proper that I took, I want to take a post to do my customary travel diatribe.  I did this last year after a conference too, so you can consider this part two.

First off, I want to explain my discontent for Midwest airlines, when they turned a well timed, direct flight between MCI and TPA into a late night flight, with a layover in friggin’ Milwaukee. This discontent is only mildly offset by the fact that they serve actual, warm, homemade-ish cookies on their flights.  2 flights = 4 cookies.  But, I’m still pissed about the logistical changes, which required me to get a hotel after getting into Kansas City, because after the long day, I wasn’t about to tack on two and a half hours of driving at midnight on to it.

Furthermore, when I show up at your check in area, don’t make me stand there for half an hour until I get lucky and someone from Midwest happens to stroll by and notice that no one is attending to the check in terminals.  That is simply inexcusable.  At the very least put up a sign or something that says “Gone fishin’, sod off.” At least then I have an idea of what’s going on.

Travel security is becoming such a mockery of itself that I’m surprised people even take it seriously anymore.  Frankly, when people can purchase substantially dangerous plastic/fiberglass based knives, an old man next to me with a pocket knife simply isn’t that threatening.  In fact, given the attitude many TSA guys have, none of the given security measures gives me much comfort.  Yelling at people that they better drink up any water or pop they have doesn’t secure a plane, it makes the guy look like an asshole (and in all fairness, he was really being a jerk).   And could someone explain the logic behind having to pull out electronics larger than your palm to have them scanned separately?  Is a Blackberry or iPod simply less dangerous than a laptop?  Could a terrorist not use a smaller device for their sinister needs?  I would think by now they have seen enough laptops that pulling mine out shouldn’t be a big deal.

Now let’s talk about ID.  I experienced this both at the port and airport.  They check ID’s more than anyone should see logically necessary.  If you check my ID, then send me down a sealed hallway, what is the sense in checking it again at the other end.  Are you afraid someone might try to burrow through the wall and inject themselves into the flow without being noticed?  Likewise, if I can literally turn around and spit and the last person who checked my ID and boarding pass, you might want to consider if you’re aren’t being a little overkill.  I’m pretty damn sure a person can’t magically appear in the middle of the X-ray machine line without a boarding pass when they’ve already gone through two other checkpoints looking for the same thing.  Nor would they want to.

And I just feel bad for senior citizens.  When you are drawing AARP benefits, I think you should earn a pass on most all security checks.  Grandma Mabel in her wheelchair with an oxygen tank probably isn’t a drug mule or terrorist insurgent.  And even if they were, screw it, I’m happy to yield to their 65+ years on this planet and give more power to ‘em.  I think they have earned and deserve that dignity.  Anything less just shows blatant ignorance.

Oddly enough, coming through Customs was unusually painless.  Compared to airport security, I could have been hauling pure cut cocaine with my nose a bright, snowy white, and they wouldn’t have even bothered looking in my bags to check.  Though I did declare some snacks I got on the bus in Mexico, and he asked me what it was, and took my word for it.  That was good, because while I mentioned the chips and cupcake, I totally forgot to mention the crackers.  They might have held that against me.