SuperSatellite

John Candy was right

// January 21st, 2008 // Life and Times

So, as it turns out, I have uncovered a dastardly plot to commit terrorism on US soil. It’s way more covert than John Candy in Canadian Bacon (IMDb) would have us believe (Side note, did you know Canadian Bacon was written and directed by Michael Moore?  I just learned that, and had no clue.  Now that I know it, it’s sorta crazy funny).  Believe it or not, I am convinced that Canada has it in for us, and once you see why, you’ll wonder how you ever missed it.

I know, sounds crazy, right?  Well, here’s how it goes down.  In short, they are trying to just freeze us out, so they can move in and take things over (or so we can only assume, they might have much more cynical plans).  Remember how last year in December, and earlier this month we were in the 60s and 70s for temperatures?  Well, that’s really how it should always be.  We don’t have global warming, it’s just nature fighting back.  That’s why native Americans settled these parts, it was nice and temperate year round.  If it got cold like this in winter, do you really think they would have hung around?  Doubtful!

Every time you turn around, the weather people are talking about these mysterious arctic blasts that come from Canada.  Blasts you say?  That sounds coordinated to me.  And after all, when was the last time that you heard about getting hit with an artic blast from Mexico?  I don’t think so.  They know better than that.  But Canada, they know they need what we have, so they are secretly trying to drive us out.  It’s a weapon they stockpile in abundance, and we have no recourse against it.  How do you fight someone so well prepared?

Think about it.  If there was no Canada, you’d never hear about the jet stream being forced down from there, bringing with it cold air masses.  Note the word: forced.  It didn’t do so willing.  Something acted on it, something terrible, something unscrupulous, something…Canadian.  They probably have clandestine teams working right now, building high pressure systems and training them to go after anything that smells American or doesn’t have French-Canadian accents.

We need to start organizing our border, and fight back.  They have clearly taken control of some kind of weather machine, and they may be plotting to do more yet.

Think about it.