SuperSatellite

Squish

// July 19th, 2006 // No Comments » // Brain dumps

Okay, so you remember when I mentioned how the pop machine at work was flirting with me? Yeah well, apparently it really wants to get in to my pants or something, as yesterday not only did it give me a free pop, but also a dime! Damn right. I think it just likes me pushing its buttons. That dirty machine. Mmmmmm….inanimate object sexing. Sorry, went to a bad place there.

I hit a raccoon last night. I’m sorry. I don’t understand animals fascination with running under cars at night, or rather their inability to keep from doing so. Once I ran in to traffic for fun, played a little dodge car, but the first time one clips you, spins you into another car, flips you over the hood and in to the windshield, then drops you about five feet on to the pavement, it really loses its fun. But at least I can predict that happening. I just choose to ignore it. Animals seem to lack that predicting ability. What’s funnier is how we react. “Oops, just a raccoon.” “Look at that squirrel pancake!” “Holy shit! That was the biggest fucking beaver I’ve ever seen! Oh well, dead now. Shithead.” But if it’s a kitten or a puppy….totally different. I saw a squished kitten on the way to rehearsal the other night, it was terrible. You might as well throw a baby out there and back over it a couple times (How many babies does it take to pave a road? Depends on how flat you crush them.). It’s a whole different league though. As Denis Leary put it: Cow -”I’m an animal, I have rights!” Man-”No you don’t, you’re a fucking baseball glove now get on the truck!”

Okay, so fair enough, that was pretty horrible huh? What can I say? I’m a horrible person. Who loves dead baby jokes and roadkill sammiches.

Bear with me here…

// July 9th, 2006 // No Comments » // Brain dumps, Entertainment, Movies

I am apologizing in advance for tonight. It’s been a few days since I’ve posted anything, and not for a lack of things to write about, I’ve just sort of been saving up the stuff. Now though, I’m afraid this will be quite long, so I’ll do what I can to keep it entertaining.

Of course, the real trick here is figuring out just where to start. Also trying to remember what all I had to say to begin with. Dammit. I’m worse than my own worst enemy sometimes. Well, let’s start with movie stuff, because that’s what I just finished with. Pirates of the Caribbean 2 was excellent. Great CG. I won’t spoil anything though. Just go see it. What I will discuss is the “pre-game.” The trailer for Snakes on a Plane played. They audience reaction was pretty damn worth it. A comical mix of “what the hell” and “what the fucking hell.” Frankly, and I say this with all seriousness, the damn movie is brilliant. The hype that has been built up around that movie is going to make it a fortune. You’re damned right I’m gonna go see it. And I’ll love it, because I know exactly what I’m getting. Snakes. On a plane. Samuel L. Jackson. I expect no more and no less, and know that’s what I will get.

Transformers. Man, you can’t imagine my hopes for this movie. In case you haven’t seen it, you have to go check out this demo footage of Optimus Prime transforming [youtube.com]. The trailer the movie had was just a teaser, but even it was cool. I cannot emphasize how much you have to go watch that sixteen seconds of happiness linked above though.

During the pre-light-dimming phase, the movie theater runs those silly little slides, you know? Well a bunch of them are quotes from EOnline.com. Now, I can’t remember any, and despite the fact that the slides claim you can visit the site for more celebrity quotes, I challenge you to do so. So you’ll have to take my word that these things are some of the dumbest and most pretentious sounding comments on the planet. Who picks that shit?

So I played mini golf last night. I had to succumb to a new level humility. Not like “oops, I tripped of my shoelace I hope no one saw” humility, like “oops, I forgot I’m supposed to wear clothes to my high school graduation” humility. It was bad. That was quite possibly the most masochistic $3.00 I’ve ever spent. And I really like Chinese finger guffs, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I shot a 17 over par, only a slight nine strokes worst than last time. I got one hole in one that I can only assume was fate fucking with me. Sorta like giving a kid a lollipop before stabbing him in the ass with a hypodermic needle. Maybe I’m just too mousey to play minigolf [re: inside joke, sorry folks].

You know, despite the fact that Nickelback is about as inspired a band as Nirvana (sorry, but let’s face it, their music is farking simple), I like them just the same. Sometimes the depth and creativity of a band isn’t as needed as just a decent rhythm (that’s a hard word to spell). Regardless, I found this link [thewebshite.net] that Rachel showed me quite humorous. And scary. Considerably more scary the second time I listened and really paid attention. Give it a try. It’s like a bizzaro world Pepsi challenge. With itself.

I want to know who hit the Pittsburg city officials with the brilliant stick. I don’t know how, or why, but someone realized that maybe, just maybe it might be a neat idea to make Locust not a one-way. And I think they are going to follow suit with Pine. I am dumbstruck at the practicalness of this decision. What’s next, left turns on Broadway uptown? God forbid! I am certainly not complaining, but if they keep doing shit like this, it’s going to make it increasingly difficult to pick on them. Granted, they are stripping and resurfacing a big chunk of Broadway south of Quincy, which was super convenient combined with the traffic jam it caused and having Joplin street closed off because of the stadium. So I will hold off on giving the gold star just yet.

Looks like my job is really fracking cool. Granted, I have found a great deal of enjoyment in what I do now. But to top it off, I get to go to New York in October for a conference. Yeah, that’s sort of work, but it’s kinda a vacation too. I’ve never been to New York, and while it’s Rochester, not NYC, I’ll take what I can get.

I regularly check out Break.com. Today they had a video posted [break.com] that I felt a compelling need to share. I hate sharing random internet video clips too much, especially since you need nothing to follow up that Transformers clip with, but this did make me laugh. I love the end when the one guy is heard saying “our skin is fucking gone.” My only hope now is that I can find a way to convince one of my friends to do that. Maybe while drunk…

It’s not paranoia if they’re really after you…

// June 26th, 2006 // No Comments » // Brain dumps, Life and Times

So I watched a documentary yesterday.  This courtesy of my lovely friend Shannon.  Let me just say that I’m not really a conspiracy theorist.  Though I am a little wacky, I’m not exactly nuts.  Not like Mel Gibson nuts anyway…that fucking wacko.  But no, I like a good information spin all the same.  So I thought it neat when this film on 9/11 was pointed out to me (warning: it is long).  It reminded me of this short flash film a little (no warning: it’s just a few minutes long).  And however nutty they may sound from time to time, they bring up good points.  Naturally it’s all mostly stuff that we’ll never get answers to, but that’s why we have imaginations, right?

So good lord this was a long weekend.  I’ve not been so happy to get back into the work-week in a long while.  Of course, I start work on The Music Man this week, so free time is a commodity I won’t have to worry about having for the next month.  At least I will remain quite occupied.  Sometimes I find it to be a bad idea to leave me to my own devices.  Things end up skinned or painted.  I did buy two new guitars last week.  Awesome, huh?  One of them will replace my current one.  So…need to buy a guitar?  Hehe.  I still want to sell my Telocoustic and pick up a full dreadnought style acoustic in its place too.  Giving me disposable income is a worse idea than giving George W. a microphone.

I have learned that I have a fetish for eating my own words.  One really good example is that I said I would never start one of these bedamned MySpace pages, yet here I am, blogging, like a giddy, thirteen year old, emo schoolgirl…okay, bad example, since I’m twenty-four.  But I found myself caught in the net again with my cellphone.  When I got it, I was going to get text messages turned off.  Why use text when I can hit the “talk” button or get online?  Sadly, I shelled out the extra $4.99 a month for 200 messages.  It was a tide that I could no longer fight.  And frankly, I have discovered a certain usefullness with them.  God I hate technology.  If my phone starts looking for Sarah Conner I’m really gonna go live in a cave.

My office plant has officially been stricken with my black thumb.  It took far longer than expected, but I have prevailed.  Maybe fake plants are in order.  I should probably never have kids, because you know I’d just end up taking off for the weekend and forget to water them or something.  Besides, if I ever had kids, they’d end up with hooves.  Maybe I’ll adopt a monkey.

On Aging

// June 19th, 2006 // No Comments » // Brain dumps, Health, Life and Times

I have learned something.  I used to complain about getting gray hair already.  In reality, I guess that’s not so bad.  Kind of distinguished, you know?  And if I’m going gray in my early 20’s, that means I’ll never lose my hair.  At least that’s what I’ll tell myself.  But you know what I have decided is a bigger bitch about growing old?  Shaving.

When I was a freshman in highschool, facial hair was awesome.  I was one of two guys that was able to grow honest, real hair that wasn’t just peachfuzz.  Granted, it took a couple weeks to fill in, and even then, I looked like a 14 year old that was growing in what facial hair he could to be cool (ironic, since that’s what I was, sadly, and I don’t think I ever really succeeded).  But that’s the thing, it was a slow process.  These days I can’t even go two days without shaving.  It’s just a constant, unceasing responsibility now.  As I sit here, I look scruffy because I haven’t shaved since Friday.  I should have this morning, but I was lazy.  But by tonight, if I have any regard for how I look in public, I’ll be shaving.  It’s silly, I know, but it occured to me when I was watching The Patriot, and I noticed how baby’s ass smooth Heath Ledger’s face was, and I found it completely unrealistic.  I couldn’t stay that clean shaven on a day to day basis unless I carried an electric razor with me and used it regularly.  I’ll just start growing a wild, Mel Gibson beard, since I’m just as crazy as him.  I think I could get away with it, what do you think?

Well, I have finally, officially, sold my old car.  I have cash in hand, and title signed over.  A relief, to be sure.  I hated having that thing hanging around.  Never even had to list it in the paper.  Basically the first guy that looked at it bought it.  I have really good luck selling vehicles out of that yard.

I need caffeine.

I cleaned the piss out of my shower yesterday.  No, no, not literally, I mean I scrubbed the hell out of it, also not literally.  My drains are slow because I keep forgeting to call Roto-Rooter to clean all of the disgusting Pittsburg essence out of the pipes, which caused my drains to move so slow, that like sediment built up in my tub.  It was not a pretty sight.  Anyway, it was a pain in the butt, but I got on that sumuhnabitch with a scrubby…thing…and some Scrubbing Bubbles, and now it’s sparkly clean again.  And by god I will call Roto-Rooter today.  The worst part is that I can’t just let my washer drain normally.  If I do, it will back up on to the floor.  I have to stand there on the drain cycles and let it drain, open the top, let it drain, open the top, and I do that for like 5 minutes so that I can get the water out safely.  Yarrr.

Yeah, I need caffeine.

Mmmm…dirty pillows….

// June 15th, 2006 // No Comments » // Brain dumps

So I have an issue I would love someone to explain to me.  Last night I went to bed a little early, in hopes of regaining some much used up energy from tennis.  Prior to going to bed, I made sure my sheet was wrapped well around all the corners of my mattress.  “Why would you do this?” you might be asking.  Well, I have a curious habit of sometimes pulling a corner or side free, and such was the case the night before last.  So I went to sleep, had not unpleasant dreams that I don’t actually remember, and woke up.  When I woke up, not only had I pulled the sheet loose, but I had removed it from the bed altogether.  Yet the blanket remained on the bed.  I just don’t get this.  I’ve never had this kind of problem with any other bed I have owned, yet somehow I always manage to do it to this one.  Anyone care to take a stab at what’s going on?

I started work on a database application for a company’s website the other day.  Some potentially awesome money to be made from it.  The catch is…I don’t know anything about database app programming.  Let’s just say I’m…winging it.  Luckily I have an intuitive knack for all things computer, so I’m moving along with it.  Learn as you go sort of thing.  Damn I’m clever.

I bought tennis balls at Wal-Mart yesterday but forgot laundry detergent, how dumb was that?

My buddy Jeff is getting married on the 15th next month.  How crazy is that?  I need a new suit.  So, all my Indy friends, I’ll be down for that.  Might stay through Sunday in case anyone wants to kick my ass, lick my feet, or otherwise enjoy my company and council.